shutters and cranks.

*cue the video and read while it plays*

I’M MOVING BACK TO YE OL ARHN CITY!!!!!!!!

i will be returning to my homeland of pittsburgh at the end of the month. this was a brash decision that was made with tears and frustration and lots of guilt. i don’t belong in austin, i have changed too much. this city nurses the barely getting by, the crazy drunk, the blue collar coke addiction and the grittiness of it all. under the lush green blanket and the 66 degree winter days, lies a city that reminds me of too much struggle and chasing too many shooting stars. i need to move forward and get out of the muck and i cant do it here. 

i would love to blame it on the over abundance of hipsters and shitty dudes that play drums but that’s just not the case. i should have got out a years ago, i could have saved myself so much rage and bruises and broken hearts and crushed hands  and unproductive nights.

i want to grab the world by the ovaries and squeeze it to death and pull myself back up. 

i feel positive about my choice and i’m actually looking forward to seeing the steel city from a new point of view. i had myself convinced i never wanted to return and that i hated that city, it was all a lie. i hated who i was in that city and i hated what i had done. i was ashamed of myself so i hid as far away as i possibly could. 

i’m going home with a new perspective and a game plan. i cant wait to see my family and hug my little cousins and tell them that this time i am in fact staying.